A 5 Step Recipe for Self Healing
Here’s a recipe for something we all need now and again: Self Healing.
No one escapes life without a little hurt, rejection, loss, or pain now and then. When that happens, we often look to others to console us, to tell us we are okay, or to love us back to happiness again.
An even better solution is to do the work yourself. It gets easier as you practice, and I’ve noticed that these 5 components are essential to the work of self-healing.
1. FORGIVE YOURSELF
There's nothing quite like forgiveness when we are the ones offering it.
Forgiveness should be intentional and voluntary. Agree to stop being resentful of things that you've done to yourself. Allowing the gentleness to say "I forgive you" to yourself will create free space for loving yourself more.
Forgiveness also is good for your physical being. Studies show that forgiveness lowers blood pressure, decreases the risk of depression, increases self-esteem, and provides you a stronger immune system.
2. BE ALONE
In a world where digital communication is the norm, and where we are expected (or feel pressured to) respond immediately, being truly alone can be difficult. We are constantly bombarded with millions of digitally connected people who are ready to engage us.
There are damaging effects from being continuously online and engaged with our social media community. We compare ourselves to others. We become dependent on their praise and likes and retweets. We constantly feel the need to impress. We are always 'on.' This destroys our sense of self-worth by replacing it with a perceived worth from complete strangers.
Close your laptop. Turn off your phone. Take pause, and be with yourself.
3. BE IN SERVICE TO OTHERS
When we are hurt, we become very narrowly focused on our own trauma or challenges, and we can easily neglect others. During heartbreak, loss, or pain, we often operate in survival mode - only doing what absolutely has to be done, and very little more.
In the process of rebuilding your ego, it's also easy to get caught up in the world of "I have to do what's best for ME." We are told that it's okay to be selfish at this time, because we need to turn inward and focus on ourselves.
While there's value in being self-focused, you will heal faster if you are focused on others as well.
Find an organization that you can support with your existing knowledge. Tech-savvy? Maybe you can help a local non-profit update their website. Love to cook? Find an organization that feeds people who live outside - they could probably use your lighting-fast carrot chopping skills. Even if you are an introvert (or are feeling very introverted while in crisis), you can write a thank you letter to a friend or favorite author, or commit to cheering on ten friends or sharing their accomplishments on Twitter, LinkedIn or Facebook.
4. TRUST IN TOMORROW
Tomorrow really is a blank slate. You have the opportunity to fill it with whatever you choose. If you do it right, this can be the most exciting part of the journey forward.
Get out a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side, write down all the things that you want to say "NO" to from now on. Then, on the right side, replace those "NO" items with "YES" items.
Beginning tomorrow, do your best. Say no to things that aren't serving you, and say yes to things that you know will help you to grow and move forward. As you get more focused on this project, you will find yourself less focused on the past.
5. SLOW DOWN
Wait to reply to that text or email.
Drive slower. Eat slower. Walk slower.
Notice where you are going and why.
Really listen to others.
Think before you speak. Think before you reply.
Instead of multi-tasking, single-task. Focus on one thing at a time. If you find yourself moving towards doing something else, forgive yourself (see #1) and bring yourself back to the first task until it's completed.
The world does not require us to be in constant movement. You can slow down and everything will still happen as it should.
RECIPE: POLLO CON MOJO
INGREDIENTS
1 ½ to 2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs
Kosher salt and black pepper
½ pineapple, cut into 1 1/2-inch chunks (about 3 cups)
1 orange, zested, then quartered
¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil
4 garlic cloves, peeled
1 jalapeño, stemmed
A few cilantro sprigs, leaves removed, then stems finely chopped
2 large limes, zested and juiced
1 teaspoon dried oregano
½ teaspoon ground cumin
PREPARATION
Pat the chicken dry and season all over with salt and pepper. Set aside.
Heat the broiler with a rack 6 inches from heat source. On a foil-lined quarter sheet pan (or half sheet pan), drizzle the pineapple chunks and orange quarters with 1 tablespoon olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Toss to coat, then broil until charred in spots, 8 to 13 minutes.
Meanwhile, make the mojo: On a cutting board, coarsely chop the garlic and jalapeño. Add the chopped cilantro stems, orange zest, lime zest, dried oregano and 1 teaspoon salt. Chop and smash the mixture until a coarse paste forms. Transfer the mixture to a large bowl, then stir in the lime juice, ground cumin and 2 tablespoons olive oil.
Transfer the charred fruit to the mojo and transfer the chicken to the sheet pan. Coat with remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil and broil until cooked through and charred in spots, 15 to 20 minutes (no need to flip).
Add the cooked chicken to the mojo, pineapple and orange wedges, and toss to coat. Let sit 5 minutes or up to 1 hour. Put it back under the broiler for a few minutes to re-warm if necessary. Slice the chicken and serve on a platter, with the sauce poured over top and the charred pineapple and orange wedges alongside. Season to taste with salt and pepper, and sprinkle with cilantro leaves. Squeeze orange wedges over top as desired.